Soul Inspirations : Would you really change your past?

I had a dream the other night where current me went back in time to an earlier version of myself when I first dated my now husband. 

In the dream part of the current me had wanted to shake some sense into the earlier me and say stay together, don't break up, stick it out, it's going to be okay, you will figure it out if you stick together. 

But I guess life doesn't really work that way. I woke up in a very thought provoking mood where I pondered just what I would really say to an earlier version of myself and would I really change the path I have walked? 

We all wish we could go back to some point in our lives and change a decision we made, but then we would miss all the other good things we experienced along the way. 

So let's start with the first part, what would I really say to an earlier version of myself if I could change history? 

I would tell her that Ty was special to me from the moment we met for a reason and not to ignore it. The loneliness that was in my head was just that... in my head! 

Going back to the previous ex-boyfriend would only take much longer to end anyway, postponing the inevitable heartbreak. 

I would tell her to shine her light anyway, stand up for what she believed in and wanted, because the people that really loved her, would accept it and love her anyway. Yes some would take longer to come around than others, but she would be being true to her own heart and feelings. 

The friends you have might not always be there and that was okay. Friends come and go, they change. You meet new people, you grow together, you grow apart and sometimes at a later stage you come back together. It is part of the ebb and flow of friendships. 

People are going to judge you anyway, let them judge away. You are a villain in someones story and your are a hero in another. Deal with it. 

It really is that simple, even though it felt like it wasn't. 

Part two, would I really change the course of my life if I could? 

Would I give up the strength I found within myself from a failed first marriage? Would I give up the travels I experienced along the way? Would I really want to forget the 4 years of teaching in Thailand and all the cultural experiences that changed me and the way I view at the world. Teaching my patience and resilience? Would I really want to forget some of the amazing people I met along the way during my travels and crazy adventures I found myself in? Would I really want to give up the independence I built up within myself to love myself and not feel lonely when I was in my own company but actually enjoy it? 

In truth if we had stuck together back then, maybe it would be us that was divorced right now instead of the happily ever after we envisioned it to be? It is easy to think we would have been a forever after, but we weren't then who we are now that works so well. At some point we loved our previous partners deeply enough to marry them and they taught us valuable lessons that we don't have to learn with each other. 

So the answer is No, I wouldn't change a thing about my life as crazy as it sounds. I would rather have us and who we are now forever after, than having to go through the heartbreaking lessons with each other and then lose him all over again. 

So we sacrificed 10 years apart to learn hard lessons, but having Ty for the next 20 or 30 years as long as we both shall live is a better deal in my eyes that 10 years of growing and struggle and possible heartbreak anyway. 

We can wish many things for the past, but just like the future, it might not turn out the way we think. 

Now we are happily married, his son lives with us and we have a baby daughter on the way, due early next year. 

Through it all, life tends to work out and most times even better than we could ever dream of. 

So thank you younger me for making the decisions that you made. I wouldn't be I am without you today. 

All my love 

Chanzie 

xxx